


Already There

by Snafu07



Category: The OC
Genre: Angst, Background Slash, Het, Hurt/Comfort, Masturbation, Multi, Sexual Content, Songfic, Teenagers, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-20
Updated: 2013-06-20
Packaged: 2017-12-15 15:09:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/850954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snafu07/pseuds/Snafu07
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Immediately following the end of season one after Ryan and Seth have left the Cohen’s. Ryan and Summer try to make sense of Seth leaving and what it means for the two of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Already There

**Author's Note:**

> The characters Belong to FOX. The abuse of the English language is solely mine. However, I cannot copyright, so the story itself belongs to no one. Rough, Unbeta’d, and written a really long time ago. Originally posted on LJ, the only story of mine I like enough to post somewhere else.

_We may be a thousand miles apart. But I’ll be with you wherever you are._

Theresa had taken Ryan away from the Newport life, taken him back to Chino. She couldn’t imagine her wanting Ryan in the grips of one of the Newpie kids again. But then again Summer wasn’t the threat Marissa was. She didn’t mean the same thing to Ryan as Marissa did. They were friends; that was all. She wasn’t the threat Marissa was. And she certainly wasn’t the threat that Seth was.

**Already There**

She knew Ryan had only been at Theresa’s for all of an hour and a half before he had gotten the call that Seth had left. And she assumed that the Cohen’s had convinced him there was nothing he could do even if he came back, because otherwise he wouldn’t still be in Chino. And most likely they had told him they’d call as soon as they knew anything and to sit tight. 

So Ryan probably wasn’t expecting any other calls from Newport until there was news of Seth.

That had to be the reason why he had sounded so surprised when she called. At least that’s what she convinced herself of after she had waited for whomever the male was that answered (most likely Theresa’s brother Arthur, or whatever his name was) to give Ryan the phone, saying it was someone named Summer. And Ryan’s voice had been low and strained but the surprise, the shock almost had been evident as he got on the line and said; “Summer?”

“I’m guessing you heard about Seth right?” She had half stated, half asked, knowing she was speaking the obvious, of course the Cohen’s would have called him immediately. Her voice sounded odd to her own ears. Something was missing from her normal tone. And as she glanced down at herself as she sat in her pretty pink room and saw how her shoulders, normally thrown back as she prepared to take on the world, were slumped. She knew not only her body, but her voice was showing signs of the blow to her psyche that she had taken today. It was as if her confidence was gone, leaving her only a shell of herself because most of what Summer was, was her confidence. “I mean, of course you do. The Cohen’s most likely called you the minute they found their note. They would have called you wanting to know if you knew anything, if you knew where he was, and what your note said. You wouldn’t have had to show up on their front door step to find Mrs. Cohen in tears and a note being thrust into your hands by Mr. Cohen. Nope, because they would have immediately thought to call you, to see if you knew what was going on. But the girlfriend? Why would they think to call the girlfriend? Didn’t it ever cross their mind that I might know where he was?”

“Do you?” Ryan’s voice was still low, still strained, but there was a fragment of hope in there now.

“No! He didn’t bother to tell me any more than he told you or his parents!” She was getting hysterical and she couldn’t stop herself. She didn’t even bother to attempt to regain her composure and allowed the tears on her eyelids to get damn near the falling point. “Well?” She asked when Ryan had yet to say anything in response to her insane rambling. “Ryan?”

For some reason she expected him to have the answers to this whole Seth thing. Which she knew was insane, because the guy didn’t have the answers to his own problems with Marissa, Theresa, and the baby, why would he have the answers she needed? 

“Uhm… Summer…” He finally muttered slowly, obviously fighting for anything to say.

“Forget it Chino, just forget it…” She cut him off before he struggled any farther, she sighed, trying to salvage some semblance of self. “I know you just settled in tonight so I won’t…” She wouldn’t what? Bug him? Disturb him? Since when did she think her presence did any of those things? “What are you doing tomorrow night?”

He took another long moment to answer her and she imagined him in a kitchen like the one they had on the old television show Roseanne, just smaller, standing near the wall talking on a corded phone as Theresa, her mother, and her brother watched as their new “family” member conversed on the phone to someone they did not know. She heard a scratchy muffled sound that she was almost positive was Ryan putting his hand over the mouthpiece of the receiver. What was he doing? But she didn’t get to ponder long, after a few stretched moments he came back.

“Nothing, why?” 

She couldn’t actually give him a real reason of why she was asking him to hang out, as she had no real clue about what was going on at all. But that seemed like it was going to be the theme of the summer and she knew she was going to have to get used to it. “I’m picking you up at 7:00, be ready for me.”

And then she hung up, not waiting for a response, somehow knowing it wasn’t going to be an issue and that Ryan would be ready and waiting for her at 6:55.

***

Ryan was waiting on Theresa’s front porch when Summer pulled up. Which was a good thing, because this was Summer’s first trip to Chino and when she had finally seen the neighborhood that he had come from, well there was no way she would have gotten out of her car to go knock on the door.

They had driven in her car, just cruising around for a while before either of them even said anything. Summer hadn’t worked out the situation in her head one hundred percent. She was at a loss for what she really needed to go over with Ryan. The reasoning for wanting to hang out? Well, they would just have to make that up as they went along. She just hoped they would come up with something at some point. Something needed a resolution. There was something the two of them needed to get off their chests. What it was, Summer wasn’t sure of yet, but she knew it wasn’t going to happen if they didn’t get to see each other.

They sat listening to the local pop station play softly for almost 15 minutes before Summer finally thought of something to say. “When you paused for so long after I asked you what you were doing tonight, were you asking Theresa permission to go out?”

Ryan’s eyes bugged out and he immediately went on the defensive. “I wasn’t asking permission!” But then the energy to fight her on that seemed to drain from him and he slumped where he sat. “I was… I was just making sure she was alright with it…” He took a deep breath. “Dammit, I was asking permission, do you know that was the first time ever I had to ask permission to do something while living in Chino?”

Summer didn’t know how to respond to that. But she wasn’t sure he was actually expecting an answer. At least from her. If Cohen was here… everyone knew though, especially Ryan, that if you said something, expect an answer from Seth. Another reason to miss him… he definitely prevented awkward silences. He created some awkward moments … but they were never silent. However, Ryan didn’t usually offer up that much information. So, she figured she’d give it a try. “Did she mind?” It was the only question she could come up with.

He looked over at Summer and studied her for a moment, probably because, as she had thought, most people didn’t ask him questions after he had finally said something. But then he shrugged. “Yeah, I think she might have. At first when I asked her she looked confused, but then as it dawned on her what I was asking she looked a little offended, like she couldn’t believe I was ready to leave her again so soon. But she ended up telling me that we didn’t have any plans that she knew of and it was fine if I went out with you. She even offered me her car.”

“Really?” Summer wondered what had changed her mind. Theresa had taken Ryan away from the Newport life, taken him back to Chino. She couldn’t imagine her wanting Ryan in the grips of one of the Newpie kids again. But then again Summer wasn’t the threat Marissa was. She didn’t mean the same thing to Ryan as Marissa did. They were friends; that was all. She wasn’t the threat Marissa was. And she certainly wasn’t the threat that Seth was.

Ryan gave another shrug in his true form. “She seemed to accept the idea. Like it suddenly dawned on her exactly what was going on between her and me. She knows a night out with you doesn’t mean anything.”

“Well thanks.” She snarked; turning her head from the road for a moment to shoot him a nasty look.

“Aw… Summer…” Ryan’s voice got soft. Like when he was trying to smooth something over with Marissa. Like when he was saying something personal to Seth. “You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Yeah. I know.” She was suddenly feeling prickly. The urge to go home and cry in her pillow for a few hours was coming on strong. She hadn’t quite breached with Ryan what needed to be breached. But as she didn’t know quite yet what that was; she wasn’t too concerned. Plus, she had the feeling they would have all summer to themselves. She started to head back to Theresa’s house in Chino. “Sorry I dragged you out; I’ll take you back to Theresa.”

After she dropped him off she fought with every fiber of her being not to stare out the mirror to watch him grow smaller and smaller standing on that Chino lawn as she drove back to Newport Beach.

***  
The next time they hung out she picked up Ryan and took him back to Newport. Not to the Cohen’s or the pier or the Crab Shack or some social engagement Ryan knew must be going on somewhere. Instead she parked the car near a fairly vacant stretch of beach where they left their shoes on the side walk, and walked down towards the water, sitting on that small section of sand where you wouldn’t get your backside wet, but the sand was firmer than it was closer to the road. The both sat down in the sand and much like the last time they were together, sat in silence for a while before anyone sad anything.

And once again, like last time, Summer broke the silence with a question. “Are you scared?”

Ryan must have been lost in his own little world, because the question made him jump slightly before he turned to Summer and said; “Huh?”

She almost wanted to smirk, but instead she just repeated her question, elaborating a little. “Are you scared? I mean about Theresa and the baby, having to be back in Chino, what it all means for the future. Does it scare you?”

Ryan just stared at her. She knew it was a big question, loaded even. And she knew Ryan didn’t talk about this kind of shit to anyone, let alone a casual friend like her. But she was practicing. And she needed to. Because if Ryan thought this was a hard question for him to discuss, just wait until she finally gathered the courage to spit out what she was beginning to realize she really needed to talk to him about.

“Because I would be if I were you.” She let him continue to stare so that they were locked together through each other’s gazes. “If for a year I had lived a life I never could have even dreamed of. If I could have experienced all that I have been missing, and I don’t mean money, I mean the Cohen’s and Seth and having a people who love you unconditionally and care about you. But not only care about you but also take care of you. So that you know no matter what there will never be a time where they won’t be there for you. If I experienced all of that and had gotten used to it... Gotten used to having them behind me even after the biggest fuck ups. And then my luck ran out, and one more little fuck up swept it all out from underneath me. I’d be scared. But that’s just me.”

Awe wasn’t an expression Ryan’s face knew how to make, but Summer assumed the way he was looking at her was the closest to it. She wondered if she had hit the nail on the head. Or maybe he just wasn’t used to hearing her talk about shit like this. She reached down and grabbed his hand, holding it in her own.

“Of course, the fear probably isn’t as bad as finding out you will have to go through all of it without your best frie… without Seth. I’m not sure what would have fucked with me more.” She felt as he gave her hand a tight squeeze, watched as his jaw clenched and his eyes clouded. “But that’s just me. Just what I would think if I was you going through what you are.”

All it seemed Ryan could do was continue to stare and she wasn’t one hundred percent sure what her read on him was. Scared or lost or whatever, it still wasn’t the best time for her to finally ask him about… that. She’d have to wait for another night.

She stood up, still holding on to his hand, trying to pull him up. “Come on, I better get you back.”

And he followed her numbly.

And she did stare out the rearview mirror until she couldn’t see him anymore after she dropped him off.

***  
The third time they were together they sat thigh to thigh on the front porch of Theresa’s house as Theresa and her mother were inside cooking something that smelled thick and spicy and made Summer wish she actually ate real food. 

Following their normal format, Summer couldn’t consider the silence affectively broken tonight, because she only got as far as her question.

“So, what did your letter from Seth say?” Summer had tried to ask nonchalantly, wondering if Theresa’s brother could hear them from where he laid underneath a car, using some tool to fix something Summer had most likely never heard of. 

She had been staring at her hands and for a moment had not realized that the shuffling sound she heard was Ryan getting up; until she noticed that the warm feeling of his jean encased thigh was no longer pressed against her own.

After the screen door closed she had waited a half an hour before she was convinced Ryan wasn’t coming back out. Arturo shot her a nasty look as she walked quickly back to her car and flew out of Chino.

Ryan may not always voice what he was feeling, but that was the first time in the year she knew him that she saw him back down from a conversation. He at least always listened. She had a feeling she really didn’t want to know what Seth’s note to Ryan said.

***

The fourth night they hung out they actually went inside of Theresa’s house. Theresa and her mother had gone to a special church service and were meeting some of her mother’s friends for dinner afterward. Ryan guaranteed they’d be gone for at least 4 hours. And Theresa’s brother Arturo was working the night shift tonight, so they would have complete privacy.

This was going to be the night. No more practice questions. Tonight after the mandatory silence Summer was finally going to get her answers.

She didn’t get to break the silence this time though. The minute Ryan had her in the living room, sitting on the couch that doubled as his bed; he was pacing the floor in front of her with that ‘I’m being forced to talk’ look on his face.

“Summer?” He stopped pacing, stood in front of her, and looked down at her. “Don’t get me wrong…”

Summer always hated when a sentence started with ‘don’t get me wrong.’ It always meant something unpleasant was coming. Her mother had started the conversation with ‘Don’t get me wrong’ when she told Summer she was divorcing her father and moving far, far away. Without her daughter. ‘Don’t get me wrong Sweetheart, I love you, but this life has been smothering me for years and I need to start over. Not as the wife. Not as a mother…’

“It’s been nice to hang out with you and all, but what is this all about? We don’t do this. We’ve never do this. I don’t do this.” He insisted.

Wow, their conversations must have really gotten to him. 

“But this whole time I have felt like there was an alternative motive to you wanting to spend time with me. Every conversation we’ve had seems forced. Every question you’ve asked me sounds rehearsed. What is it? Have you been keeping tabs on me for Marissa? Has she asked you to come here so she knows what I’m doing while I’m not in Newport?” Ryan didn’t sound angry, as she assumed he would be if he were under the assumption Summer was here to spy for Marissa. Instead he sounded tired (but he always sounded tired these days).

“No.” And she didn’t feel she had to use the insisting tone that he was using. She was telling the truth and 99 out of 100 times, that was enough with Ryan. Or at least that’s what Seth had always told her. “She doesn’t even know I’ve been hanging out with you. I’ve only talked to her twice this summer. I haven’t even seen her since the wedding.”

Ryan let out a sigh he didn’t seem to be aware he had been holding and started his pacing again. “Than what has this all been about?”

And here was her chance. Since the beginning of the summer she had been wondering what exactly was going one between her boyfriend and Ryan. Her note had been filled with the kind of perplexing, ponder inspiring nonsense that only Seth had the ability to utter and have it sound as innocent as he really wished it was. And all of the pondering she had done had led to one final resting thought. 

Seth was in love with Ryan.

Like the kind of in love he was supposed to be with her. And these past weeks she hadn’t been sure what broke her more. That he actually left or why he left. And as much as she didn’t want to read the note Seth left Ryan, she was pretty sure whatever it said would solidify her theories. “That day you left me sitting on the porch alone, when I asked you what your note from Seth said. Well I’m pretty sure I know what it said. I was just trying to get you to talk about it.”

Ryan looked like he was ready to bolt from her again. The pace had paused near the hallway and he was definitely giving it a look of escape. But instead he practically dragged himself over to Summer and dropped down on the couch next to her. “Summer… I… I didn’t” His voice was a touch of stability away from a quaver. “I didn’t get a note. Se…Seth wrote one for you and one for his parents, but he’d…didn’t leave one for me.”

‘Seth didn’t leave Ryan a note?!?’ Summer barely kept herself from asking ‘What the fuck?’ If Seth hadn’t left Ryan a note saying that he was in love with him, what was it that had Ryan wigged when it came to Seth? Maybe Seth had said it before he left, maybe they had gotten in a fight about it and that was why Seth ran away. “So… what, did Seth tell you he loves you before he left?”

Ryan pretty much glared at her. A glare that was a step between anger and confusion… with a touch of disbelief. A muscle in his jaw twitched as he asked her; “We aren’t getting any closer to answering my question. Did Seth tell me he loved me before he left? Was he supposed to? What does this have to do with anything?!?”

Summer was beginning to accept the fact that Ryan might be oblivious to the whole situation all together. Maybe he didn’t know how Seth felt about him. Maybe he was wigged out about Seth just because he left during the one time Ryan needed him the most. Well, Ryan needed to know. He deserved to know how Seth felt. She fished in her purse for something she had kept with her from the moment Sandy Cohen had shoved it into her hand. She unfolded the piece of loose leaf and pressed it into Ryan’s rough fingers. “Here, read this. It might explain everything.”

Ryan looked down at the piece of paper in his hand and Summer could see the muscle in his jaw twitch a little more violently as his eyes scanned down the hastily written words. 

_Summer,  
I could say don’t hate me. I could ask you to forgive me. I could ask you to forget I’m doing this and let us go back to exactly how we were when I get back. But that would be damn rude of me. And a bit ignorant. Because what I’m doing is selfish and immature and just out and out wrong. But I’m doing it anyway. _

_I can’t be there without Ryan, I can’t._

_I love him Summer. And I don’t mean as a brother and I don’t mean as a friend. I’m in love with him. The same way I’m in love with you. I’m in love with Ryan. Almost from the day I met him._

_And I know, you’re sitting there outraged with me, but I know you well enough to know you are also asking me how I could leave him if I was in love with him. I don’t know why this seems like the best thing. But to me it just feels like what I should do._

_So please, don’t hate me, forgive me, and when I get back please forget that all of this happened and let us go back to just how we were._

_But out of all of these requests, most of all, please watch out for Ryan please. He may seem like the kind of guy who never needs anyone, but he does. And as it turns out that I’m not man enough to stay and be that person for Ryan, I’m asking you to. Not to be a man of course, but to be there for him. Get him to hang out. Take him away from Chino and Theresa every once in a while, give him a break. And most importantly give him a hug. A kiss on the cheek. A squeeze of the hand. Something. He’s not going to get that kind of thing in Chino and I think he’s grown used to them from me._

_Please? For me? For him?_

_I have just one more thing and then you can go off and curse me to Marissa or your father or Anna or whomever you wish to vent to. I know I deserve it. In a few days you should get a package in the mail. It has a satellite phone in it with one phone number programmed. The dealer swore to me that it would work no matter where I was on this planet. If there comes a time when you think you can forgive me, call me. And if there comes a time where you’ve been hanging out with Ryan and you think you can forgive me, both of you call me._

_I love you; please don’t ever think that I don’t. You mean so much to me. Just because I’m in love with Ryan too, doesn’t mean I feel any less love for you._

_Here’s hoping I hear from you sometime soon.  
Seth _

The angry twitch was gone by the time he reached the end of the note. Summer would even go as far as to say Ryan looked a little teary eyed. For a moment he got lost in the note; brushing his hand across it; exactly as Summer herself had done many, many times. Summer had done it in hopes of being able to feel Seth through his writing, through this cheap piece of school notebook paper he had ran a pen across. And from the tears in his eyes, which he was quickly trying to blink away, Summer recognized that Ryan was trying to do the same thing.

Ryan wasn’t upset. 

Ryan wasn’t angry. 

Ryan just sat there and looked as though all he wanted was for Seth to be in the room with the two of them

But Ryan was supposed to be upset! Ryan was supposed to be angry! Ryan had just found out that Seth was in love with him! Hearing it… well, reading it for the first time! There was no way he could be taking this in stride!!!

Unless…

Fucking shit.

Summer suddenly felt like the biggest idiot in the world. Everything clicked and she was reminded of what she had said weeks earlier. 

The girlfriend was always the last to know.

Of course all of this wasn’t bothering him; Ryan knew Seth was in love with him! It was obviously something he had been informed of long ago. He definitely seemed used to the idea. Maybe even a little fond of the fact. 

It was all definitely dawning on her now. 

A line in his note had gone ‘And most importantly give him a hug. A kiss on the cheek. A squeeze of the hand. Something. He’s not going to get that kind of thing in Chino and I think he’s grown used to them from me.’ At first she thought he had been writing too fast and that “me” was supposed to be here, or my house, or my family. But it was now clear he had meant himself. Which meant the two of them hugged, they kissed, they squeezed each other’s hands. Ryan and Seth touched. And now that the blindfold was finally completely removed from her eyes, she suddenly found it a lot easier to be straight with Ryan. There would be no more beating around the bush. 

“So…Have you been sleeping with my boyfriend?”

And the look on Ryan’s face said it all. He went from sad to shocked to panic. And just as he was about to start explaining or defending or denying, Summer held up a hand to stop him.

She felt like now, knowing what she knew now, over what she thought before, she should be angry. She wanted to be angry! She just found out her boyfriend was cheating on her with another man; she deserved to be heartbroken! But it was Seth and Ryan… And dammit… it just doesn’t seem so wrong to her! More right than her and Seth. A lot more right than Ryan and Marissa.

“When’s the next time your free for the evening? You and I are calling Seth.”  
***

Summer held the complicated looking satellite phone in her hand and flipped through the menu until she came to the stored phone numbers. As Seth had said in his note, there was but one number stored there, and it was labeled Seth. 

She turned her gaze away from the little LCD screen and focused on the boy sitting on her left. They were once again seated side by side on Theresa’s front porch. 

However, this time no one was under a car and there was no one inside cooking. Arturo had driven Theresa and their mother to a doctor’s appointment, leaving Ryan home alone. Ryan had called Summer that morning asking her to come over with the phone. Summer had been a little surprised that Ryan hadn’t wanted to go to the doctor’s appointment with Theresa, but when he sighed, explaining that these kind of appointments embarrassed Theresa and she didn’t want him there, Summer didn’t push the subject. She did however wonder how a girl who was uncomfortable with the idea of going to a gynecologist was comfortable enough to be in a situation where she got pregnant. But still, she didn’t push the subject, telling Ryan she would be over with the phone.

Ryan gave her a weak smile as he looked from the highlighted name on the phone to Summer. He nodded. 

Summer took that as the sign that all systems were a go. She pressed the send button, put the phone up to her left ear, and waited. She wasn’t sure what made her jump more; when Ryan pressed his right ear up to the phone so he could hear as well or when the phone actually stopped ringing and she heard (for the first time in weeks) her boyfriend’s voice say; “Hello? Summer? Is that you?” The voice was just as she remembered. Bright and excited and warm and so Seth. He sounded so happy to hear from her.

She wasn’t completely sure her own voice would work enough to answer, let alone convey all that Seth could with his own. “Yeah Seth, it’s me. Me and Ryan.”

“Ryan?” Gone was the bright. Gone was the excitement. This voice was soft, yet still warm, and just barely uttered. This was the voice Summer didn’t get to hear often. This was the voice he held special for Ryan. It was a voice Summer would bet Seth didn’t even know he used. It was too natural, too spontaneous, to be part of Seth’s act.

Ryan didn’t answer though. The muscle twitched in his jaw again; the way they were sitting together she swore she could feel it. And Summer saw the pain and the anger brewing inside him and wondered if it was such a good idea to have the two of them together for this first phone call. So she answered for him. “Yeah Seth, Ryan’s sitting right next to me, both of us have our ears pressed to the phone so we can hear you.”

“Oh…” Seth breathed out softly. “Hi Ryan…” But when the second attempt to get Ryan to talk didn’t elicit a response, Seth continued talking. “So… I guess you forgave me Summer? Damn… you’re more amazing than I thought. And I guess you’ve been hanging out with Ryan too? Because if he’s there with you…”

Seth’s unease was coming through loud and clear. She could picture him, the background blurry as she had no idea where he was, holding the phone and pacing, and his limbs in full fidget. Summer was sure he would calm a little if Ryan would just say something to him, why hadn’t he answered Seth?

“Yeah Seth, I did everything you asked me too in your note. At first I wanted to kill you, choke you with your little note asking me to pretend you didn’t do this but once the rage blackout wore off I realized all I really want is you back home safe. I can forgive you, because I’ve begun to understand what’s going on… And only because it’s you and Ryan… because damn the sense the two of you make… Seth… of course I can forgive you, it’s almost hard to blame you.”

“Thank you!” He exhaled at a record speed.

“Not that she should forgive you.” A new voice joined the conversation and Summer felt a bristling next to her.

“Ryan?” Seth’s soft voice.

And once again no answer.

“How angry does he look Summer?” Seth asked gently. “On a scale of one to ten. One being my dad, ten being my grandfather.”

Summer pulled her ear away from the phone to look at Ryan and was ready to give Seth the score of 13, but the phone was snatched from her hand. She could hear Seth’s voice faintly saying ‘Summer?’

“Seth.” Ryan finally mustered up something to say. Unfortunately it was in his hardest, coldest tone.

Summer tried to get closer to the phone so she could hear what was being said on the other end. Ryan was far too angry for her to venture pressing her head next to his, but she got fairly close so she could at least get the gist of what Seth was saying. “So, you’re pretty pissed, huh Ryan? I wasn’t sure which one of you was going to be. I knew that one of you would definitely be pissed and that the other one after a while would be able to forgive me. I just wasn’t sure who would be what. So Summer can forgive me but Ryan can’t… okay, we can deal with this… I have an explanation, Ryan you have to understand that I...”

“Seth.” Ryan cut off the other man with a single word muttered in the same scary voice.

“No explaining… okay! Summer, I’m not sure if you can still hear me, or if you are even still there, but do me a favor would you? I know Ryan sounds pretty intimidating right now… I bet he’s even scary to look at… but he won’t hurt you. He’s mad at me. Which like duh… I probably don’t have to explain to you right now… but anyhow… and I know this is going to sound weird, but can you hold his hand? He might calm down. It works most of the time… can you give it a try please?”

Summer listened to Seth plead and looked at Ryan. She had the definite feeling that if she reached out and touched him right now her hand would be ripped off. But Seth must have done this before. There had to be times when Seth reached out and grabbed Ryan’s hand in hopes of calming him down. And sometimes… just sometimes, Seth’s touch must have been enough to bring Ryan back down from his high; otherwise Seth wouldn’t have suggested it. So she reached over and took the hand that wasn’t holding the phone and slowly wrapped its fingers around her own.

Ryan took his attention away from the satellite phone for a moment and looked down at their hands. “Seth…” He breathed out softly, the anger still there at the ‘S’ but fading as he dragged out the ‘th’. “Seth, where are you?”

“That I can’t tell you Ry.” Seth responded.

“Why the hell not?” Ryan questioned defensively.

“I just can’t. I’m safe, I hoping that’s enough for you to know. I’m just not quite ready to come home.” Seth stated this firmly, and his confidence was foreign to Summer’s ears. 

Ryan slumped a little and cocked his head closer to Summer, offering her better access to the conversation she was no longer an active participant in. “Why did you leave Seth?” So softly asked.

“You know why.” Seth answered just as resolutely as he had a moment ago.

“No Seth!” Ryan’s voice rose again. “I don’t know why!”

“Dammit Ryan! Because of you! Because I love you! Because I need you!” Seth responded in kind, letting his voice rise. “But you left! You left me, so I left too.”

“But I had to leave.” Ryan retorted. “I needed to be with Theresa.” 

“But what about me?” Seth’s voice dropped back down to the soft plead it had been when he found out Ryan was there with Summer on the phone.

“We’re still friends Seth.” Ryan slipped right in. “We’ll always be friends.” 

“You’re really willing to give me up for her?” The hurt growing in Seth’s voice made Summer ache for him.

“I was not willing! I had too! There wasn’t an option! Dammit Seth, I’m going to be a father!!” The return of the anger in Ryan’s voice was different, he didn’t sound like he was yelling at Seth as much as he sounded like he was defending himself.

“But what about us?” Seth implored further.

“Seth… we never had a chance, I can’t just leave Theresa to be mom by herself. And you… you couldn’t give up Summer if you tried. This just made it easier on us. Because it’s not like we could ever be a couple, so now at least you can give yourself 100% to Summer. It almost seems fair now.” Ryan explained. Summer felt him struggling next to her. Seth made it verbal how he felt about losing Ryan. But Ryan, Ryan never was good with the verbal… but she could feel that he was suffering just as much as the boy on the other side of the line.

“But Ryan I can’t do this without you, can’t you see that? That is why I had to leave!” Seth was getting close to pathetic with his begging.

“You didn’t have to leave!” Ryan finally snapped completely. The grip on Summer’s hand was so tight she feared for her bones. “I can’t believe you did! And to chalk it all up to me!”

Both Seth and Summer had gone stone quiet at this outburst. When Ryan finally opened up, it was usually better to just let him get it all out.

“And you Left Summer because of me! As much as I love you and as much as you know I wish there was a way we had a chance, we don’t. I can’t just go back to your parents and pretend that this never happened. But you, you can! It’s not just me there. Do you know how amazing your girlfriend is? Do you know what she’s done for me these past few weeks? And she’s still here right now holding my hand even after she found out about the two of us!” Ryan finished off.

Summer was positively floored. She never thought Ryan would feel that way about her after these past weeks. She had figured out a little while ago that Ryan must have a sensitive side, but to hear it applied to herself? Warmth spread throughout her and she could barely believe how hearing him say that made her feel. She hated to admit it, but Seth had never said anything to her that made her feel so special. 

“I want you to think about that Seth. Wherever you are, doing whatever you are doing, I want you to think about that. And maybe next time we call this can all go a little better.” Ryan spat out at Seth softly before punching the end button on the phone so hard she wasn’t sure there would be another call.

Ryan dropped the phone onto the porch and turned, grabbing Summer’s other hand, bringing all four together in a ball. He leaned over so that his forehead rested on their hands. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

And they just sat there like that, their hands clenched together under Ryan’s head as he chanted his apology over and over again. 

And Summer would never know if that sorry was to her or to Seth.

***

The second time they call they are in Summer’s car again, huddled together in the back seat so that they can both press their ears to the phone again.

This time when the get on the phone they all exchange pleasantries and Seth actually asks about his parents. They keep up reserved chitchat for a few minutes, the mood obviously still a little stayed after the last conversation.

When it seemed like nothing of any importance was ever going to be said Summer finally took her chance. A deep breath and her fingers crossed she posed the question she had wanted an answer to since she had realized what was going on between Seth and Ryan. “So, do you guys really fuck?”

Ryan let out a small gasp next to her, but Seth recovered in what seemed like a remarkably quick time and answered. “No.”

“Don’t lie to her.” Ryan insisted firmly. 

“So you guys do fuck?” Summer wasn’t sure how that was making her feel, she still wasn’t feeling the repulsion or sheer anger she would have always assumed that answer should have caused her.

“No Summer we don’t.” Seth repeated. “We make love.”

Summer gut clenched and she had to close her eyes for a moment to stop the world from spinning. Next to her she could feel Ryan shaking a little… but she thought maybe it could be trembling from Seth’s response. They make love. It seems so obvious now. How could she ever have been so crude to ask them if they fucked? But made love? Making love was what Seth did with her. Was it really the same thing with Ryan? And if he was getting it from her, why bother with Ryan. Or the reverse… “But why? You and I make love.”

“Summer… Seth started softly. “I’ve been making love to Ryan for a lot longer.”

“Then why bother with me at all?” Summer asked, dejectedly.

“Aww, Summer. It’s just weird” Seth started to explain. “I love you both so much, equally, I want you both the same. You two are just so different from each other. What Ryan and I have is kinda open, but not in that we don’t love each other and care about each other way. It’s just there’s always been Ryan and Marissa and then Ryan and Theresa. Combined we have everything. When I have both you and Ryan I have everything.”

“Except I don’t have Marissa or Theresa, not the way you have Summer. They could never be to me what Summer is to you.” Ryan suddenly interjected softly, and back was that voice reserved just for Seth.

“Or what you are to me Ryan.” Seth responded, using his own designated voice.

Summer heard Ryan mutter ‘Oh fuck’ so incredibly soft before sucking in a deep breath and saying; “Or what you are to me Seth.”

Summer couldn’t believe how they talked to each other, it was just… beautiful. There was really no other way to put it. She knew that what she and Seth had wasn’t quite that pretty. She began to wonder if it was Ryan. She suddenly remembered how Ryan made her feel last time they were together. It hit her how glad she was that she has had this time to get to know Ryan better. And she knew she should tell him. It was all so much and she was far from surprised when she felt the tears sliding down her cheeks and heard the small sob escape her throat.

Seth must have heard it too. “Ryan… hold her? Please?”

And they sat there clinging to each other listening as Seth got the last word that time. “I love you two. God you better know that. I hope neither of you have doubted that for even a moment while I’ve been away. I’m so sorry I’m doing this to you both. And when I get this all figured out I’m coming back for both of you. I promise you that.”

When Seth hung up Ryan and Summer didn’t let go. Summer started sobbing. “I’m sorry!” over and over again into Ryan’s shoulder.

And she wasn’t sure if she was saying it because she was sorry she was making such a fuss or because she was sorry for Ryan that what he gave Seth wasn’t enough for Seth and he still had to pursue her. 

Ryan squeezed her tightly and she lifted her head to kiss his cheek. 

“I’m glad you’re here with me.” She stated shakily. “I’m glad we’ve had this time together. I liked you before this, thought you were a good guy, was always impressed by how you took care of Seth, but now that I’m getting to know you better… Ryan… you’re amazing. I think I know why you don’t talk too much. The most beautiful things come out of your mouth when you really do talk; it would be too much for anyone to talk like that all the time. Non-stop chatter is ok for Seth, because that’s all it is, chatter, nothing of meaning. You speak deep. Seth shows his intellect, his humor with his words. But you? You show your heart, your soul with yours.”

Ryan had a slight blush as he leaned into her so their faces were mere inches from each other. “The only beautiful thing here is you.” And he closed the gap, pressing a kiss so gently on her lips that she is left dazed.

Later that night as she lay in bed she wonder what it meant. Was it just as friendly thing? Or was it something else? If it was just a friendly kiss than it shouldn’t have gotten her hot. And it kinda did.

Her thoughts lead to what the physicality was like between Seth and Ryan. She imagined it must be rough, because things are so gentle with girls. That lead her to wonder if that’s why they go to each other, so they can have things a little rougher. Could that be their reasoning? They need something more masculine? None of the tenderness and gentle moments that Seth shared with her. She began to imagine what it was like to be Seth, under Ryan, because she knows Seth has to be the girl in that sexual relationship, being plunged into, taking all of Ryan’s power, all of his anger, all of his pride. She snuck her hand down her panties, lightly touching herself as the images played out in her head. And when the Ryan in her imagination throws back his head and shudders to climax, she does the same. 

***

Ryan borrowed Theresa’s car to drive to Summer’s for the third phone call. All alone they sat in Summer’s bedroom, the satellite phone between them on the lacey coverlet.

Ryan had been early and they had a few minutes to kill before Seth was expecting their call. They had been just sitting there; Ryan traced mindless patterns on the back of Summer’s hand with a rough fingertip. Summer hadn’t objecting, all that was on her mind was what had gone on last night at this same spot. She wondered if she was bold enough to tell Ryan that she had gotten off to thoughts of him and Seth together. She wondered how he would take it. The memory was making her warm all over again. Being pinned under Ryan. Being the one to be the recipient of Ryan’s power, his anger, and his pride. She had grown more than warm.

“Ryan?” She found herself asking, shattering the first comfortable silence they had shared. She felt him pause his motions on her hand. “Ryan, I need you to do something for me.”

“What’s that Summer?” The soft voice, the Seth voice.

And she was undone. There was no hesitation when she asked for what she wanted. “Touch me. Ryan touch me like you touch Seth.”

Summer laid herself down on the bed, ignoring the phone. She quivered in excitement, believing any moment Ryan would be on top of her, his dominance milking the pleasure from them both.

So when he did come up over her, his eyes sparkling, a sweet smile on his face, and leaned down to kiss her like he did the other day, soft and pure, she was surprised. But when his tongue darted out hesitantly to lick her bottom lip and his hands caressed her shoulders and her side, she forgot it all and offered herself up to such unadulterated perfection. She watched as this glow took over the sparkle in his eyes and she thought it was love, because she doesn’t know what else could have such a glow. But he closed his eyes and lowered himself on top of her. Their bodies seemed to melt together as the kissing continued. Ryan was touching her and she was touching him. And she never wanted it to end. 

But he broke from the kiss and muttered “Seth.”

That was when Summer remembered the reason they were there. She brought her hand to his head to stroke his hair. His eyes were still closed and he has stilled his action a bit. It was as if he was aware of what he had just said and that fact that reminded him as well that there was a third party to all of this that they needed to contact.

Summer started the phone and the minute she had Seth on the line she started begging him to come home. She had heard the way they talked to each other, but if that was the way they touched each other, nothing should keep them apart. She owed it to the two of them to set this right. “I can’t watch as the two of you are apart anymore. This is so stupid. You need to come home right now. Even with Ryan in Chino, even if he is about to become a father, there’s no reason you can’t be together. You belong together. I won’t even stand in your way.”

Summer swore she had literally heard Seth’s heart catch in his throat. 

“Where did this come from?” Seth questioned breathlessly.

Ryan stirred next to her. “I think what we just did might have something to do with it.”

She should have known he would catch on that quickly.

“What you just did?” Seth asked.

Ryan took a deep breath before answering and Summer understood his hesitation, she wasn’t sure either how Seth would react to the two of them making out. “We were just kissing on the bed and I got a little too into it and called her Seth.”

Seth took a moment to answer. “That really doesn’t explain why Summer’s insisting we be together.”

“I asked Ryan to touch me the way he touched you. I was expecting it to be rough. I was expecting it to be hard. I figured what you two did would be different because why would you need two of the same. I wanted to feel what it was like to be the one to receive Ryan’s pride and his strength, but what I wasn’t expecting was to feel the purity and light of the way Ryan is with you. I can’t compare to that. I wish I had that. You two have that, that’s why you need to be together no matter up.” Summer explained in an airy, almost detached voice.

Seth had started to get worked up. “But we’re still new, what Ryan and I have, we built up to that, we can have it too, we just need time. You can’t leave me, I can’t lose you!”

Ryan had nodded in agreement. “I don’t want to lose you either.”

Summer heard the sincerity in both of their voices and it set her off crying again and a soft sniffle on the other side of the line made her wonder if Seth might be too. “But what does this mean for all of us?”

“Be together when I’m not there.” Seth’s strained voice answered. “Take care of each other when I can’t be there to do it. That’s all I ever wanted. Please?”

The three sat silent on phone for a while listening to Summer’s small sobs, Seth’s hidden sniffles, and Ryan’s deep even breathing. Ryan wrapped himself around Summer the best he could, holding her as she cried. 

It felt like an eternity before Seth finally announced he had to go. 

“Come home! Please Seth! Please come home!” Summer’s tear soaked voiced pleaded over the phone.

A slightly strangled choke on the other line let her know she wouldn’t be getting an answer from Seth at that moment. But when Ryan echoed her sentiment, “Yeah Seth, please? Come home.” she knew things had everyone distressed, it wasn’t just her.

“Where are you guys?” Seth finally asked; his voice a little stifled with emotion. 

“On Summer’s bed, the side next to the window.” Ryan answered softly.

“Is the moon bright tonight?” If either of them found Seth’s line of questioning peculiar they hadn’t mentioned it.

“Very bright, it’s full and not a cloud in sight.” Ryan answered again.

“Ryan, can you see the moonlight dancing off Summer’s hair? Can you see how it all seems to come alive, smooth and dark and glossy with the pure white light dancing off?” Speaking had been such a struggle for Seth it hurt Summer’s throat to hear him.

Ryan had stared at her, as if he was just noticing for the first time that she had hair. “Yeah Seth, I can.”

“Then I’m already there.” And it came out so much clearer than his last few sentences had. “Summer, is Ryan wearing a wife beater?”

“Yes.” She answered on a sob. “A gray one.”

“Slide your hand right under his wife beater and place it over his left pec.” Seth instructed.

Summer did as she was told, sliding her hand into Ryan’s shirt, smoothing up his warm, hard skin. “Okay.”

“Can you feel his heart beat?” Seth asked.

And she could. Strong and steady beating right there under her hand. “Yes…” She breathed out.

“Then I’m already there. I never left you two alone. You’re both a piece of me, so as long as you have each other, you still have me. I love you…” And then the phone clicked and went to a dial tone as he hung up.

When she realized she did not get a chance to tell him she loved him too she started to cry harder. Ryan had worked the phone out of her clenched hand and put it on her bedside table before going back to her. He wrapped himself around her again and laid her down on the bed. He kept her close and he kept her secure until the tears started to subside. When the sobs were no longer wracking her body he leaned in to kiss her. 

And when she kissed him back, he started to remove their clothes. And when she touched his bare skin, he made love to her.

***  
The next time Seth’s satellite phone rang it’s only Summer on the other line.

“Summer, what’s wrong? The call wasn’t planned until tomorrow.” Seth sounded worried.

“Come home. Come home now. Sandy just brought Ryan home. Theresa miscarried; the doctor said she was way too young to have the baby. Ryan’s taking it beyond rough. When can you be here?” She hadn’t meant to use the rapid-fire style of conversation with Seth, but she had left Ryan lying on the futon and she wanted to get back to him ASAP.

“Holy shit. Poor Ryan. Poor Theresa. I can… it is 10 pm right?” Seth asked. And Summer looked at her watch, it had been. He had said that so nonchalantly. He couldn’t have still been in the same time zone this whole time, could he? He was supposed to be in Tahiti or somewhere exotic and far away where she couldn’t have driven in her car to retrieve him! “If I get started right now depending on flights and delays and lay-overs I should be there between midnight and 5 am, all factors pending.”

“Good! Get going! We need you here like stat! We’ll be in the pool house.” Summer barked orders at him. “Oh and Seth? I love you.”

At least he would have something to smile about when he packed.

***

Seth walked up his parent’s driveway close to 2 am in the morning. He had bullied his way on to the first flight to Newport and had paid a cab double to get him home as fast as he could. He walked up to the front door, but having seen all of the house lights off he knew his parents were asleep and figured he would just have to deal with them in the morning. 

He detoured instead to the pool house, where he found Ryan and Summer embraced tightly, fast asleep in bed. It was a beautiful site actually. Part of him wanted to just stand and watch his gorgeous blonde, tan boyfriend as he lay asleep, wrapped around his beautiful dark haired, ethereal girlfriend. But he had to let them know he was there.

He went over to Summer first and kissed her awake. She sat up in bed, her eyes wide as she devoured the site of him and reached out to pull him in a hug. She wanted nothing more than to be able to hold him and kiss him for a week straight. But… “Ryan’s the one who needs you right now. Go to Ryan. We’ll catch up later.” 

He kissed her again and she kissed back. “I love you Summer.”

“I love you Seth.” She smiled softly, he’s finally home. “Now go to Ryan.”

Seth went over and kneeled next to Ryan’s side of the bed. Ryan had turned since Summer let go of him and he was half hanging off the side of the bed. Seth leaned in and kissed Ryan just like he had done to Summer. Ryan’s eyelids fluttered a few times before the opened and he saw who it was that was kissing him. Seth felt his eyes fill with tears at the sight of Ryan’s heartbroken face staring up at him. And that seemed to be Ryan’s undoing because tears filled his eyes as well and he lunged forward, burying his face in Seth. Seth just sat back and hugged him tight. 

“We all have so much to talk about, but not now. Now we sleep.” Seth said once Ryan had emerged a few minutes later. Ryan and Summer nodded their agreement.

Seth crawled in between the two of them, Ryan pressed up against his back and Summer against his front. They both wrapped arms around him, so that their hands touched the person on either side of him. And soon they all fell asleep pressed together, finally complete. 

***

I’m already there  
Don’t make a sound  
I’m the beat in your heart  
I’m the moonlight shining down  
I’m the whisper in the wind  
And I’ll be there until the end  
Can you feel the love that we share?  
Oh I’m already there

We may be a thousand miles apart  
But I’ll be with you wherever you are

 

*Optional scene*  
*THIS IS NOT AN ALTERNATIVE ENDING; JUST A SLICE OF LIFE FROM SETH'S POV, THE ONLY ENDING IS THE ACTUAL ENDING!*  
Right after the second to last phone call.

“I’m already there. I never left you two alone. You’re both a piece of me, so as long as you have each other, you still have me. I love you…” And the phone clicked and went to a dial tone as he hung up. Seth could practically hear what was happening between Summer and Ryan, even if nothing they said gave hint towards it. He couldn’t say that he hadn’t expected, hell he had hoped for it, but never in his dreams did he think it would actually happen. He wouldn’t be surprised if they would make love this very night. He felt a strong tug of homesickness. If Ryan and Summer were going to be making love, he needed to be in Newport, not here. Of course, that wasn’t going to be any easier than it was to leave Orange County in the first place.

Seth placed his phone back in his bag and dragged himself back to bed, back to where his lover was waiting for him.

The taller boy curled himself around Seth the minute Seth had gotten back in bed. His arms where so strong and the chest he was now against was so hard. And every inch on the boy was so warm that Seth never had to face a moment of the cold fear he had struggled with after leaving Newport but before arriving here. He was safe here. That’s why he had stayed. Most of the places before here he had lasted only hours, long enough to sleep and eat, before heading off to the next place. But when fate had him cross this old acquaintance’s path, everything about the summer had improved. No more traveling, a nice place to sleep, food whenever he wanted, and enough sex to keep even him happy.

Seth’s bed mate nuzzled the back of his neck a few times before yawning softly. “How was the phone call? How are Ryan and Summer? 

Seth shrugged in his arms. “It seems like they’re falling for each other or something.” 

The other man did a poor job at stifling his laugh. “That came out of nowhere.”

Seth smiled sadly and turned around so he was facing his lover. “Kinda like us, huh?”

The other boy pushed a few curls out of Seth’s face and noticed for the first time his red rimmed eyes. “You miss them.”

“Yeah.” Seth closed his eyes at the man’s soft touch.

“You’re gonna go back to them, aren’t you?” There was sadness in the tone of voice.

“Yeah.” Seth felt as the fingers stilled on his forehead.

“What about the two of us?” He reached down to stroke Seth’s cheek.

“We’ll always have this summer. I wish I could offer you more, something more substantial… but…” Seth trailed off; knowing nothing he said could make this better.

“But your heart is in Newport.” He sounded resigned now.

“You weren’t just a replacement; I want you to know that… this was just what I needed. I knew who I was with the whole time, I never pretended.” Seth felt he needed to explain.

“I know; I never believed this would last, I let myself enjoy it for as long as we could. I just hate to see you go. It’s like having to leave Newport all over again.” He closed his eyes and pulled Seth close.

“We still have a few days. Are they going to be awkward? Or should we take advantage of them?”

Their embrace became even tighter and firm lips were suddenly on Seth’s lips. And when he felt the hand snaking up his side he knew these next few days would end just as they should.

The end.


End file.
